Alaska

The obvious thing to do with this state, considering its odd geographic position, would be to give it to Canada. Another perspective is giving it back to Russia. Neither of these options are particularly appealing, as neither country needs any more uninhabitable land.

Arkansas

It is Elizabeth’s firm belief that Arkansas simply doesn’t exist. Arkansas is not a real place, no one lives there, and the people who pretend Arkansas is real were lying to you. Accept the truth: Arkansas has never and will never exist. 

Florida

Florida is sawed off and let loose into the Atlantic Ocean. There’s no need to delay this issue any longer. This decision really needs no explanation.

Georgia

Just want to shout out the Hartsfield–Jackson Atlanta International Airport for being the most phenomenal airport that Elizabeth has ever been in. She also wants to thank Georgia for their export of peaches, which are so delicious. However, Elizabeth wants to also express her hatred for the song “Peaches” by Justin Bieber. Thank you for your time. 

Illinois

It really just bothers Elizabeth that Chicago is in Illinois. There’s no reason to hold this belief, but she just feels like the city would be better suited in literally any other state. 

Idaho

This is just an appreciation post for Idaho and their wonderful potatoes. Potatoes are so dynamic with the many different dish options they provide. Hash browns, french fries, home fries, mashed potatoes, baked potatoes, and so much more. The possibilities are endless. 

Indiana

Why are all semi-trucks from Indiana? What tax breaks are they offering transportation companies who have their license plate registered in Indiana? This whole state feels like a Ponzi Scheme.

Maryland

Maryland drivers are the worst drivers.

Michigan 

Were you expecting Stella to give the Upper Peninsula to Wisconsin? You think wrong. If Wisconsin has gone this long without taking the Upper Peninsula from Michigan, those cowards don’t deserve the land anyways. Elizabeth doesn’t really know what the point of this review was, but she supports Stella in her strong beliefs.

New Mexico

We are only allowing New Mexico to stay because of High School Musical. Although Stella does not like High School Musical and disagrees with this choice. Elizabeth thinks Stella is crazy for not liking High School Musical, but nevertheless, we’re keeping New Mexico anyway. At least Elizabeth thinks so.

North Dakota and South Dakota

There’s no reason that these two states should be separate. To be honest, the only thing that differentiates the Dakotas is that South Dakota has Mount Rushmore. Besides, the two states have a combined population of 1.6 million and Northern Virginia has a population of around 3.2 million, so essentially no one lives in the Dakotas.

Wyoming

Great state, from what Stella has seen. And by that, she means she has only seen its portion of Yellowstone National Park. Elizabeth has not seen Wyoming, but has heard great reviews. She has no real opinion on Wyoming.