Hi, my name is Kate and I’m an addict…to PowerSchool. I check it every single class period, every hour, sometimes every half hour. It is the most frequently visited page on my Google Chrome, exceeding Netflix and clocking an average of 10 views each day.

So, I promised that I would go an entire week without PowerSchool, and make sure that it was an important week, too. Last week, the week before interims, I deleted the PowerSchool application from my phone and did not visit the webpage at all from Monday at 8 am until Friday at 3 pm.

What philosophical discoveries did I find, you wonder? What personal insights did I have that has made me a better student and person, you ask? Prepare yourself…it’s all negative.

Monday was the same day as the Gunston and Principal Scholar reception, which started to bug me more and more as the day went on. I am a good student and I work really, really hard to make sure that I am the best I can be and that I can get into college. Normally, the invitation is a pat on the back for me but this time, it left a sour taste in my mouth.

So, for my first day of enlightenment, I found that although Mason is full of teachers claiming, “It’s not about the grades,” that it sure as heck is about the grades. If it weren’t about the grades, then everyone would have the Klondike bars, which aren’t even Klondike bars because administration downgraded to storebrand knockoffs.

And I’ll be the first to object to those utopic teachers and say, “Actually, it kinda is about the grades because college admissions offices don’t see a 2.5 GPA and say, ‘Well, she looks like a really nice kid, so we’ll let her in anyways.’ ” Because that’s ludicrous. At least be honest and don’t try to pretend that it’s not about the grades because a majority of colleges use GPA and standardized test scores to determine admission. And sure, some tiny, crazy expensive schools no longer require standardized test scores or GPA, but no state universities have taken away the weight or necessity of including GPA and standardized scores in applications.

Testing and grades are a part of life and the quicker we accept that, the quicker we can improve them and get into college. I’m tired of teachers telling me that it’s not about the grades because they’re not only contradicting their own school, but colleges.

Now, on to Tuesday. Let’s not forget that I’m overcoming this compulsive obsession to check my grades every hour. Tuesday’s enlightenment moved away from Mason and onto IB.

Not being able to check my grades lowered my confidence in the classroom because I didn’t really have any grade feedback, except from estimating how I did compared to rubrics. The IB learner profile includes the trait of being a risk taker, and that trait is included on many IB rubrics. But, let’s take a moment and think about the fact that if IB truly wanted us to take risks, there wouldn’t be rubrics.

I want to follow that rubric as closely as possible because I want to score the highest in each category. I know that if I stick to what the rubric says, I will achieve those high marks, fair and square.

But IB says they want learners who take risks. Dear IB, if you want me to truly take a risk, take away the rubric.

Wednesday didn’t really have a revelation, but it was filled with hopeless anticipation and withdrawal.

Thursday, however, was the most depressing day of all.

I realized that my goal in classes is to get As, not to learn as much as possible. Because an A is cut and dry and figuring out if someone is trying to learn or not is very ambiguous and could be represented by a variety of aspects.

This doesn’t mean I don’t work hard and that I don’t love to learn but it does mean that my desire to get an A trumps my desire to learn in a classroom. It’s not like colleges will see this article and think, “Wow, she did it for the A,” and then automatically discredit the time and effort I have put into my grades. But it’s still upsetting to think that I go to school for grades and not for learning. It’s important is that I know it…you know it too now, I guess. That’s the first step, right?

Friday was our pointless bomb-scare day which was full of misery for me. Sitting in a gym for four hours instead of going to Journalism and History quite possibly was a nightmare for me a few months ago.

And I had my final revelation.

I’m not a bad student because I want the grades. I’m only a bad student when I stop understanding what those grades mean. Those grades represent my in depth understanding and the obscene amount of work I pour into every single assignment. As long as I keep working hard, the grades will come on their own.

Which isn’t all that depressing, so I guess I’m doing alright.